Love's Unfinished Symphony
“Love is Possessive and lustful, Anything else is just a civilized relationship between adults with lots of “Must” that covers some needs….” ‘Ego & love which makes a girl’s life both miserable and memorable, while religion and caste join hands together to form a barrier for her love’
Reading Jamu’s diary my tear glands started moistening my eyes.
Would a girl engrave a guy in her heart like this just for love.
The words in her diary engrossed me and I almost got lost into the lines.
She has started writing the diary from April 4, 2015 and that page was covered with tears and it got smudged so I could not read what was written in it.
I some how managed to read the lines
“he proposed me a month ago!! A wonderful day in my life….I accepted him after few days in my heart!!!!I felt the real care and love this day by him….sleepless conversation, seeing his eyes the whole night, his wrinkling lips and his attractive smile, holding his hands tightly, lying in his shoulder with my entire heart saying his name alone!!!… and the last line said ‘this day would be the best for our love’.
Why as she not written the diary before, what would be the reason.
I stayed a while thinking who would have send me this diary as the parcel contained no name in it and I started reading the diary as though it belongs to me, I feel like some or the other way I am connected to it.
I started reading the diary dated April 18, 2015
‘Even months would count like seconds when you are with me.
The sea breeze never seemed heavy to me today as I can only hear your breath.
My hands never wanted to play with the sand as it wanted to be always interlocked in yours.
I tied my hair tight so that it should disturb you when you feel asleep on my shoulders.
Our love is beautiful than the waves we saw because how much ever fast they come, they end up near the shore but we travel without knowing the destination as we believe in our love’.
“Hey Sachi, having a wish to become a dancer doesn’t make sense if u r not practicing for it..
”My Guardian shouted at me.
I kept the diary aside and immersed in it ….
Started to practice…As I have a Inter competition next week…which will lead me to the next level in my career.
Since this going to happen in state level, I need to fuse al styles, with a quite famous songs to make difference from other competitors.….
Evening wind started to blow….opened the windows and felt the air in me…Guardian gave me my favorite “potato chips and gulab jamun “ to have as I was so hungry….
after my 5-6 hours practice
Finished my snacks by enjoying the ambience… the day ended warmly….
I gave a small jump on my bed to sleep …but there was a diary near my pillow which I was reading earlier…As soon I saw it….my heart cherished to read it and my eyes started to lost into the lines in the diary…
Chennai April 19 2015…
Sharp at 12’clk the clock plays a lovely music as if it knows my surprise plan for him…OMG!!! He not yet slept….Why today his usual timing differed…
Lying in the cot….He been staring at me…My heart is very week as because of it, I am not able to keep secret from him….Though I planned in his brother home, his brother helped me…, and so I make him eagerly wait for my next minute….
A light entered into a dark room says “23” in a candle with a lovely cake…Chocolate fudge with a red heart, white line in its border, written as “ Happy birthday SOUL” !!!!!
He was surprised with my attitude and I see love in his eyes, even he is still in the same state of mind…But we just enjoyed that moment and I don’t want it to be end so soon…
I totally gone crazy and thinking about him that whole night…his smile is ever cutest I seen, the moment he stare at me is a feel which I can’t express…..
Chennai May29 2015
My heart doesn’t know that April 19th will be the last day….after that I didn’t see him.
Its been a month he called me…only txt conversations were happening between us….
I felt like hell bell started to rang in my life…..!!!!!
Our funny things, naughty talks, late night chats, long drives……everything I am missing….Started to roam like ghost…I felt like my heart is tearing into pieces…
I have begged him to meet me, but with his reasons …”I have weekend support… Will meet you next week”, ”I don’t have bike..
else why should I won’t meet you”, ”I need to go out with my friends..
it doesn’t need bike..
so don’t think bad that I didn’t meet you”, ”I am not feeling well today…will meet you next week…if I don’t have weekend support”, I need to go to my brother home ..so can’t meet you”, ”I came near your area..
but I came with my brother in bike…no extra bikes…I don’t want you to make suffer in this hot sun…so I will meet you next week”……sorted so much like this and never meet me.
For a human, giving reason is not difficult….whenever some one give reason to me…I remember a quote saying “Everyone is not so busy…Its just a matter of priorities”..
I can understand that he has no bike, but if he really want to see me he can make something out….even he avoided when I rushed to see him to his area..
by saying he will be going out with his friends…
I have made myself into pain by doing some stupid thing as making myself hurt with the iron box … even I know its stupid….I bared that pain for 2 weeks without checking in hospital….I said him that I got injured…he asked me to go hospital, but I refused it..
because I want him to take me to hospital…at least I can see him tat time…But his stubborn heart never made him come to me…..he said “ Did I ask to do it???” U did it… bare the pain …
Do I am that unlucky fellow?… Do I am that unlovable girl?….Do I am such a unwanted person in his life?… Do he think that I can’t make up his life colorful?…..
each and every sec thinking about him in my life ……became mad….only my tears are out each time…!!!! and I didn’t find him to wipe it ..!!!!!
I feel like my heart breaking everyday that passes without him!!!! I don’t think that pain will ever go away…!!!!
Chennai June29 2015
Wow!!! Its my b’day!!! I felt happy… Unexpected wishes…12’clk cake cut in a mid of road with my lovely training friends, cake cut in beach with my roomies at evening time where I like to be always with beautiful waves and the sound of it, bike drive in rain, lots of surprise gifts….entire day I felt like I am the luckiest girl in this world…
Do you think that he wished me????…..
Yes at 12’clk a text saying happy birthday!!! May god bless with all your happiness!!!…My lips smiled as soon I saw his text….but my heart shed tears that what he really mentioned as my happiness without him.
If he been in Chennai on my birthday, he can’t lie me with his reasons to meet me…So he went to his native by taking Day Off on “Monday”(my birthday day).
Even I expected his call that day, but the whole day I was waiting like a mad fellow to hear his voice to greet me….
(Yes he wished me first through his text, but made me full of expectation that he will call is him….telling me whole day..
I will call…I will call….)
But he didn’t call!!!!… saying some stupid reasons he left my day as such….my heart was about to burst….I felt I am not an important person to him at that moment..
I missed him so much….….”I would absolutely kill to see you right now, to hold you, to hug you for long time, to get a kiss, even just to talk to you,
”I MISS YOU” so much it hurts….”
Felt happy by my friends….
But felt like I am dead by my love….!!!!!!
Chennai June 30th 2015
The very next day, he started from his native…I called him around 9’clk in the night as soon he boarded into the bus…with unsound mind ….
I asked “Can You at least Wish Me Today??” I felt like my heart broken with my Expectation…
He wished from his lips as “Happy birthday!!!” not from his heart…..I felt the difference from his words….May be I did expect too much!!!!
After his wish through call, enquired about my dinner and he ended the call.
I been longing a word from him….not “I Love You”…Its just “ Da Jamu ma” it may look silly..
but I feel magical once I hear this from him..
“Expecting is my favorite crime & disappointment is always my punishment”…Love doesn’t give pain only Expectations give!!!!
But only I heard the sound “beep” like my heart beat sounds…and even I felt like once the “beep” is over… my heart beat too ends…..!!!
Chennai July 19th 2015
Every minute started to be like a year for me….will be waiting for his call…but I won’t get…each weekend will be waiting for his words “I want to see you this weekend” …but I didn’t get….unless I will be getting words from him like “Don’t be sentimental fool jamu…”
We both will be wondering at the sky when we spent our days together…we will be smiling at the moon & star ….we both look like same ….shinning together….with the remembrance of that … I bought a new chain this month…the pendent will be having a star&moon together ….shinning together….I used to hold it in my hands…I feel like I am holding him….
Convincing myself…staying away from friends….sleeping alone, even I am scare to sleep alone….Starring at his pictures whole night….wantedly skipped my food….started walking alone for long distance even I will get bus….
I searched in google…and listed some ghost places…and planned to go alone and meet ghost…started roaming alone in night so that I can see ghost…..It may be stupid…but I want to ask a wish to ghost to change his mind and make him to come to me.
Not only with ghost…my hope will always be on god, wherever I go I pray that he should come to me….I been kept fasting too…nothing made my love to come back to me…
Always being thinking…what I should do???I need him in my life…I just need him…I will keep him like a mom take care of her baby when it is in her stomach…more than that…..saying love you each day by seeing his pictures….
I am passing my days with candy(teddy he gave me)that is the only thing which make me fine…I will hug and kiss it whenever I feel lonely without him…”The spaces between my fingers would soon be filled with his fingers”…”The star(me) & moon(he) should be always joined as like pendent I am wearing now…imagining this…I will close my eyes everyday…..
Chennai Aug 16th 2015
You may think …..why once in a month I am writing this diary…!!!!!
Earlier he will be meeting me once in a month….and that one day he will make my life so colorful and I feel warm when he is in my side….every girl have that feel when she met with a guy whom she waited to have in her life…….like heart bouncing in the floor…whole body flying in the air….laughing for stupid things…..thinking she is more prettiest ever…..!!!!! So I been writing this diary each month as a day that he is near me/…
These days went only with our text conversations…..no calls, no meetings….as I am a girl…so stupidly I fought, cried and made him tensed always in these things…..
As he is guy, with his ego…never showed his feelings out…pretending that he is not that guy…
Clock rings 12clk….still our chat was continuing without a topic….then my heart asked that question to him…
Do You Love Me??? Do You want me in your life??
An unexpected answer….felt like I am lost ….I am already missing him so much that even the thought of him made burst into tears!!!
Ya he said ….he didn’t love me….and he wants me only as a friend…..when he said these words…my heart broken totally and I cried like anything in candy’s lap(teddy he gave me)….my face stain with tears….He sorted the reason ….he can’t be happy in my presence.
So he thrown me…he never mind that how much I baring the pain….
I shouted to myself …”U can see my tears but U can never feel my pain inside”
The only person I felt to make happier by doing watever….to see charming smile in face….Is he….but told I spoiling his happiness….that’s a great gift I got in my life finally….!!!!!!
Whole night I cried ,,, got pain in my heart….blood is out from my heart…I was longing for my soul….
Chennai sep 3 2015
This is my last day writing this diary….decided not to write anymore…I been waited 7 months to see him, talk to him…but he did only texts…..
Very difficult thing which I thought…not to disturb him anymore regarding love, life, marriage…calls, meetings,,, funny talks,,, moreover not to think about tomorrow….
Stared to behave like as like he is being wit me….
Even now I decided this not to tense him….want him to hapie always…may or may not I b in his life….
Started to being alone….caring myself…no expectations…..but love will be with me till I die ….
“I hide my tears when I say your name…but the pain in my heart is still the same….Although I smile and seem carefree, there is no one who misses you more than me!!!…Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks….Each night I put my head to the pillow I try to tell myself I’m strong because I have gone one more day without you!!!…”
I know he too love me…miss me…but he should come out of his ego, confusion world….lets fly away….make a colorful life …..
I won’t disturb you anymore in my entire life….
UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN….
Those special memories of you always bring smile..
you are no longer here will always cause me pain….Sometimes I wish that you would understand my feelings….I will hear thousands of songs…but I feel always ur voice as my music….I will be constantly aware of ur absence….
One word I say u always is….Be hapiee always…and I MISS YOU…!!!!
I hate waiting.
But if waiting means being able to be with you!! I will stay here…I will wait for you, just like I said I would.
No matter how long I stayed, You stayed.
But I always with hope, that one day we will be together….
I will be waiting for you!!!!…
Bye my love!! with tears ….
——-
OMG!!! Such a fairy love the girl has in a guy….it won’t happen in all cases…true and deep love she had on him…tears in my eyes….full night I read this story….felt like I need to make it happen…..
But why she sent this to me….
who I am to her???thinking about this…the clock sounds….
.I kept diary in my shelf and started to get ready for my dance class.
On my way usually I used to drink coffee in a hotel,… few days before I met a guy named “jiju” in the hotel, who drink same flavor of coffee which I drink…As guys would easily make friends…we became friends…daily will have our coffee together and will share his experience in his sports class and I will telling about my dance class…..
As usual I met him today…I look bit sad….he questioned me…I don’t want to say it….but I thought he may help me what I want to do….since he is a unique friend of mine, to share things and he will give solutions….
I revealed the story..
which I read in that diary….I may didn’t give the same feel from the diary, but I conveyed them to him…
He was shocked as soon he heard it….but he didn’t show it out…just asked to bring the diary while he come tomorrow…
Next day morning….
We met in same place with diary…I gave him the diary…he promised me that we will solve this problem…and that he need the diary for one day…I believed him….and I gave it….
JIJU’s home…
Jiju kept the diary in his cot and went to take shower….meanwhile his roommate, best friend keerthan who saw that diary and was about to open it.
Jiju shouted: Don’t open it keerthan….
Keerthan : Y?
Jiju: It is something personal which my friend shared about it.
Keerthan.: ok fine…
Jiju asked keerthan: how is your tattoo??
Ya it s fyn,,..vitamin A cream and love on her helped me out….
Jiju: you are having this much love on her…your ego stops you from her…such a stupid you are…I been telling you each time to tell her..
why not hearing my words…cha cha!!! You are baring the pain ….will you be like this in your entire life…???
Keertan: I love her more than she love her…I want her to be happy always, …At a point ,I felt I am hurting her because of my ego and possessiveness… So I left her saying some stupid reasons….
I know she does’nt believe my stupid reasons..
She know me well than others, we have good understanding between us….I never felt like to miss her in my life…I will be with lot of confusions usually, even I was in dilemma when I proposed her…I felt guilty as I spoiled her life….
I don’t want again to go back to her and hurt her by my stupid character…The love we had on each, will never die…will live in her memories always !!!
Jiju: Don’t be stupid keerthan…you might be wit lot of confusions, but now you are clear in your life….you can take your own decision….Its been 2 years, so get off your mind…and tell her…
Keerthan:”might she be engaged with some other guy, for her parents happiness”…if so I should not disturb her….let her be happy..
Jiju, now revealed the secret about the diary to keerthan…keerthan hold the diary in his hand with care..
he read the diary …tears started to roll in his eyes..
his heart filled with pain..he fell on the floor and started to cry..
(jiju as soon he heard the story about that diary, he remembered that his friend was the guy who mentioned in the diary,…so he took the diary to his home to make his friend read it)
Keerthan didn’t sleep whole night,, thinking about her and the days they spent together..
he feels like to hug her so tight and want to kiss her on her forehead that he should not miss her anymore…
Chennai April 19th 2017(next day, after he read the diary)
Keerthan took Day Off, was feeling with high temperature and headache…He cried whole night, lost his sleep, didn’t had food…..full night he staring at the diary and Jamu’s pictures….
Two years back on this same day,Jamu requested him to stay in chennai for his birthday…but he refused and went to his native on his birthday…but…Jamu took lot of risk..
and planned a cake cut before he leave native for his birthday…..
So made a lovely plan and made it real a week before in keerthan’s brother home with a cake and surprise gift…by thinking Jamu’s caring on him…now his eyes are with tears….
How I make her hurt with such a pain??? Do I did it?? I used to call her a baby… a kid…who smiles always…never want to hurt anybody ….but I hurt her like anything…How she been in such a pain???
Do she love me that much???Thinking about her…his days became live….he realized that he himself spoiled his happiness…thought only money makes him happy…Finally he is out…..he started to love her more than before…but even now he didn’t call her,or reveal that he read that diary….he continuing with his usual texts with her….
Chennai April 29th 2017
Keerthan birthday…as always she wished him at 12clk..but he reacted in the same way as before…she mentioned its been 2 years we met, if you are free can we meet today??? Keerthan said no I have client visit today..
will meet you some other day(as usual with a reason he usually say to avoid her meet)…
Jamu ended the call with a burnt heart…praying to god..
that he should be wished with all he wanted in life….
Afternoon Jamu received a call from a unknown number, she picked up the call …It was a guy, saying that waiting in cafeteria who read your diary and ended the call.
Jamu rushed to cafeteria ..but no one was there…with a disappointed face, she turned back….she started to take stairs to reach cubicle….when she reached a corner of a stairs ..she saw a bag written “For Jamu”…she was questioning herself ,what’s happening around her?…though…she sat on the floor and was opening the bag which is filled with teddy and chocolates…
Suddenly…A voice from her back….”Jamu , My dear love….I made you wait so long…my heart needs you always…but I stopped myself to tell you many times because of my stupid confusions…I never slept a day without thinking about you and our days together….never been a day without seeing your pictures ..I made you so much hurt than anybody done to you….I don’t want to end up with “I am sorry”…..We just start our beautiful days with
“I Love You”…
Jamu full of tears…bared hell of pain in her….burst out now…hug him very tightly…kissed him …showed how much she missed him these years…he showed the tattoo which he made for her….she hold it with her warm hand..
and beat him saying..
”Stupid !!! why you did this ?? It would be pained a lot..
how you bared it??..…”Keerthan says It doesn’t pain for me…I made you hurt a lot than this pain…Love you dear!!! J
She hugged him with her happy tears….
I know you will come back to me, waited for you love …missed your care so much in my days…but I don’t want to miss you anymore even a minute…You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life next to my parents…I love you keerthan to the core.
Saying that she jumped as long as she can and hold his hand tightly …
Took her down to the building and ask her to book cab..so that we can go out somewhere….she started reacting stupidly with her blushing smile… OMG!!..
as “Love is being stupid together” ..she been staring at her mobile to book cab and walking with him..
Finally his legs stopped and he asked!!!!
How’s this…our new bike…I got it delivered this morning…I want to make you filled with surprise so I didn’t reveal it to you…sit my dear will go out…
Hey!!!! Lovely it is…where will you take me birthday baby?!!!
Will go to temple and will spent time in café coffee day where we started our first outing… in temple, while Jamu praying to god, Keerthan placed kumkum in her forehead which she was eagerly asking him earlier …their eyes filled with love and hearts were bouncing in the air….
As soon they reached café day…they met 2 other guys…jiju & sachi….
A big question mark in sachi face…why she sent the dairy to him…before he asked her …Jamu started, hai sachi.
I am Jamu …you may have a question in your mind….I came to know the relationship between you and jiju few days ago, and I guessed that you will share to jiju about it…as jiju is keerthan’s best friend, my diary will reach keerthan…so I sent you the diary…but I felt really sorry disturbing you…!!
Sachi: Hey that’s ok ….Its my pleasure, I wish you both with love filled in your life…..
Their conversation continued…jiju nd keerthan left the beautiful butterflies to fly with their love…
Two lovely hearts met after 2 years went to beach where they both never been together….sat on the sand…she lied in his shoulder holding his hands…seeing the craziness of waves….”two souls dwelling in the same body” Started their life with love ….
Being able to wait is a sign of true love and patience…Anyone can say “I Love You”
But not everyone can wait and prove it….as their wait….
Finally the wait is over….they planned to get marry and live an awesome life with lots and lots of love they have on each other….