Chapter 28

It was clear that I must repair to our town next day, and in the first
flow of my repentance, it was equally clear that I must stay at Joe’s. But, when
I had secured my box-place by to-morrow’s coach, and had been down to Mr.
Pocket’s and back, I was not by any means convinced on the last point, and began
to invent reasons and make excuses for putting up at the Blue Boar. I should be
an inconvenience at Joe’s; I was not expected, and my bed would not be ready; I
should be too far from Miss Havisham’s, and she was exacting and mightn’t like
it. All other swindlers upon earth are nothing to the self-swindlers, and with
such pretences did I cheat myself. Surely a curious thing. That I should
innocently take a bad half-crown of somebody else’s manufacture is reasonable
enough; but that I should knowingly reckon the spurious coin of my own make as
good money! An obliging stranger, under pretence of compactly folding up my
bank-notes for security’s sake, abstracts the notes and gives me nutshells; but
what is his sleight of hand to mine, when I fold up my own nutshells and pass
them on myself as notes!

Having settled that I must go to the Blue Boar, my mind was much disturbed by
indecision whether or not to take the Avenger. It was tempting to think of that
expensive Mercenary publicly airing his boots in the archway of the Blue Boar’s
posting-yard; it was almost solemn to imagine him casually produced in the
tailor’s shop, and confounding the disrespectful senses of Trabb’s boy. On the
other hand, Trabb’s boy might worm himself into his intimacy and tell him
things; or, reckless and desperate wretch as I knew he could be, might hoot him
in the High Street. My patroness, too, might hear of him, and not approve. On
the whole, I resolved to leave the Avenger behind.

It was the afternoon coach by which I had taken my place, and, as winter had now
come round, I should not arrive at my destination until two or three hours after
dark. Our time of starting from the Cross Keys was two o’clock. I arrived on the
ground with a quarter of an hour to spare, attended by the Avenger,—if I may
connect that expression with one who never attended on me if he could possibly
help it.

At that time it was customary to carry Convicts down to the dock-yards by
stage-coach. As I had often heard of them in the capacity of outside passengers,
and had more than once seen them on the high road dangling their ironed legs
over the coach roof, I had no cause to be surprised when Herbert, meeting me in
the yard, came up and told me there were two convicts going down with me. But I
had a reason that was an old reason now for constitutionally faltering whenever
I heard the word "convict."

"You don’t mind them, Handel?" said Herbert.

"O no!"

"I thought you seemed as if you didn’t like them?"

"I can’t pretend that I do like them, and I suppose you don’t particularly. But
I don’t mind them."

"See! There they are," said Herbert, "coming out of the Tap. What a degraded and
vile sight it is!"

They had been treating their guard, I suppose, for they had a gaoler with them,
and all three came out wiping their mouths on their hands. The two convicts were
handcuffed together, and had irons on their legs,—irons of a pattern that I knew
well. They wore the dress that I likewise knew well. Their keeper had a brace of
pistols, and carried a thick-knobbed bludgeon under his arm; but he was on terms
of good understanding with them, and stood with them beside him, looking on at
the putting-to of the horses, rather with an air as if the convicts were an
interesting Exhibition not formally open at the moment, and he the Curator. One
was a taller and stouter man than the other, and appeared as a matter of course,
according to the mysterious ways of the world, both convict and free, to have
had allotted to him the smaller suit of clothes. His arms and legs were like
great pincushions of those shapes, and his attire disguised him absurdly; but I
knew his half-closed eye at one glance. There stood the man whom I had seen on
the settle at the Three Jolly Bargemen on a Saturday night, and who had brought
me down with his invisible gun!

It was easy to make sure that as yet he knew me no more than if he had never
seen me in his life. He looked across at me, and his eye appraised my
watch-chain, and then he incidentally spat and said something to the other
convict, and they laughed and slued themselves round with a clink of their
coupling manacle, and looked at something else. The great numbers on their
backs, as if they were street doors; their coarse mangy ungainly outer surface,
as if they were lower animals; their ironed legs, apologetically garlanded with
pocket-handkerchiefs; and the way in which all present looked at them and kept
from them; made them (as Herbert had said) a most disagreeable and degraded
spectacle.

But this was not the worst of it. It came out that the whole of the back of the
coach had been taken by a family removing from London, and that there were no
places for the two prisoners but on the seat in front behind the coachman.
Hereupon, a choleric gentleman, who had taken the fourth place on that seat,
flew into a most violent passion, and said that it was a breach of contract to
mix him up with such villainous company, and that it was poisonous, and
pernicious, and infamous, and shameful, and I don’t know what else. At this time
the coach was ready and the coachman impatient, and we were all preparing to get
up, and the prisoners had come over with their keeper,—bringing with them that
curious flavor of bread-poultice, baize, rope-yarn, and hearthstone, which
attends the convict presence.

"Don’t take it so much amiss, sir," pleaded the keeper to the angry passenger;
"I’ll sit next you myself. I’ll put ’em on the outside of the row. They won’t
interfere with you, sir. You needn’t know they’re there."

"And don’t blame me," growled
the convict I had recognized. "I don’t
want to go. I am
quite ready to stay behind. As fur as I am concerned any one’s welcome to my place."

"Or mine," said the other, gruffly. "I wouldn’t have incommoded none of you, if
I’d had my way."
Then they both laughed, and began cracking nuts, and spitting the shells
about.—As I really think I should have liked to do myself, if I had been in
their place and so despised.

At length, it was voted that there was no help for the angry gentleman, and that
he must either go in his chance company or remain behind. So he got into his
place, still making complaints, and the keeper got into the place next him, and
the convicts hauled themselves up as well as they could, and the convict I had
recognized sat behind me with his breath on the hair of my head.

"Good by, Handel!" Herbert called out as we started. I thought what a blessed
fortune it was, that he had found another name for me than Pip.

It is impossible to express with what acuteness I felt the convict’s breathing,
not only on the back of my head, but all along my spine. The sensation was like
being touched in the marrow with some pungent and searching acid, it set my very
teeth on edge. He seemed to have more breathing business to do than another man,
and to make more noise in doing it; and I was conscious of growing
high-shouldered on one side, in my shrinking endeavors to fend him off.

The weather was miserably raw, and the two cursed the cold. It made us all
lethargic before we had gone far, and when we had left the Half-way House
behind, we habitually dozed and shivered and were silent. I dozed off, myself,
in considering the question whether I ought to restore a couple of pounds
sterling to this creature before losing sight of him, and how it could best be
done. In the act of dipping forward as if I were going to bathe among the
horses, I woke in a fright and took the question up again.

But I must have lost it longer than I had thought, since, although I could
recognize nothing in the darkness and the fitful lights and shadows of our
lamps, I traced marsh country in the cold damp wind that blew at us. Cowering
forward for warmth and to make me a screen against the wind, the convicts were
closer to me than before. The very first words I heard them interchange as I
became conscious, were the words of my own thought, "Two One Pound notes."

"How did he get ’em?" said the convict I had never seen.

"How should I know?" returned the other. "He had ’em stowed away somehows. Giv
him by friends, I expect."

"I wish," said the other, with a bitter curse upon the cold, "that I had ’em
here."

"Two one pound notes, or friends?"

"Two one pound notes. I’d sell all the friends I ever had for one, and think it
a blessed good bargain. Well? So he says—?"

"So he says," resumed the convict I had recognized,—"it was all said and done in
half a minute, behind a pile of timber in the Dock-yard,—’You’re a going to be
discharged?’ Yes, I was. Would I find out that boy that had fed him and kep his
secret, and give him them two one pound notes? Yes, I would. And I did."

"More fool you," growled the other. "I’d have spent ’em on a Man, in wittles and
drink. He must have been a green one. Mean to say he knowed nothing of you?"

"Not a ha’porth. Different gangs and different ships. He was tried again for
prison breaking, and got made a Lifer."

"And was that—Honor!—the only time you worked out, in this part of the country?"

"The only time."

"What might have been your opinion of the place?"

"A most beastly place. Mudbank, mist, swamp, and work; work, swamp, mist, and
mudbank."

They both execrated the place in very strong language, and gradually growled
themselves out, and had nothing left to say.

After overhearing this dialogue, I should assuredly have got down and been left
in the solitude and darkness of the highway, but for feeling certain that the
man had no suspicion of my identity. Indeed, I was not only so changed in the
course of nature, but so differently dressed and so differently circumstanced,
that it was not at all likely he could have known me without accidental help.
Still, the coincidence of our being together on the coach, was sufficiently
strange to fill me with a dread that some other coincidence might at any moment
connect me, in his hearing, with my name. For this reason, I resolved to alight
as soon as we touched the town, and put myself out of his hearing. This device I
executed successfully. My little portmanteau was in the boot under my feet; I
had but to turn a hinge to get it out; I threw it down before me, got down after
it, and was left at the first lamp on the first stones of the town pavement. As
to the convicts, they went their way with the coach, and I knew at what point
they would be spirited off to the river. In my fancy, I saw the boat with its
convict crew waiting for them at the slime-washed stairs,—again heard the gruff
"Give way, you!" like and order to dogs,—again saw the wicked Noah’s Ark lying
out on the black water.

I could not have said what I was afraid of, for my fear was altogether undefined
and vague, but there was great fear upon me. As I walked on to the hotel, I felt
that a dread, much exceeding the mere apprehension of a painful or disagreeable
recognition, made me tremble. I am confident that it took no distinctness of
shape, and that it was the revival for a few minutes of the terror of childhood.

The coffee-room at the Blue Boar was empty, and I had not only ordered my dinner
there, but had sat down to it, before the waiter knew me. As soon as he had
apologized for the remissness of his memory, he asked me if he should send Boots
for Mr. Pumblechook?

"No," said I, "certainly not."

The waiter (it was he who had brought up the Great Remonstrance from the
Commercials, on the day when I was bound) appeared surprised, and took the
earliest opportunity of putting a dirty old copy of a local newspaper so
directly in my way, that I took it up and read this paragraph:—

Our readers will learn, not altogether without interest, in reference to the
recent romantic rise in fortune of a young artificer in iron of this
neighborhood (what a theme, by the way, for the magic pen of our as yet not
universally acknowledged townsman TOOBY, the poet of our columns!) that the
youth’s earliest patron, companion, and friend, was a highly respected
individual not entirely unconnected with the corn and seed trade, and whose
eminently convenient and commodious business premises are situate within a
hundred miles of the High Street. It is not wholly irrespective of our personal
feelings that we record HIM as the Mentor of our young Telemachus, for it is
good to know that our town produced the founder of the latter’s fortunes. Does
the thought-contracted brow of the local Sage or the lustrous eye of local
Beauty inquire whose fortunes? We believe that Quintin Matsys was the BLACKSMITH
of Antwerp. VERB. SAP.

I entertain a conviction, based upon large experience, that if in the days of my
prosperity I had gone to the North Pole, I should have met somebody there,
wandering Esquimaux or civilized man, who would have told me that Pumblechook
was my earliest patron and the founder of my fortunes.