Chapter 6

I sat against the sink with my legs shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't seem to breathe, no matter how hard I tried.

I gripped the sink tighter, if that was even possible and leaned into the mirror. My skin felt as if it was on fire and I still felt dizzy. I needed a few minutes to catch my breath and wrap my head around what had just happened.

I blew out a deep breath and slowly placed my feet back on the ground being sure not to fall on my face. It took a lot of effort, but I managed to do it. I needed to get rid of Caleb and fast. I needed to be alone, and now.

I crept down the empty hallway, peeking over at Jace’s closed door, before stepping back into my room. Caleb sat there pant less and looking eager with his back pressed against the wall. He looked nervous as he watched my every move. It made me nervous. “What’s wrong?

I quickly bent over in a panic reaching for my jeans. “I’m sorry Caleb,” I breathed. “It’s best if you just leave. I’m suddenly not feeling very well."

I struggled with getting my jeans on, falling over like an idiot in the process. I didn’t care though. Caleb’s eyes were burning into every inch of my body and I couldn’t stand to be so naked around him. I wasn't sure why I hadn't noticed until now.

Caleb shook his head, slammed his hands down into the bed, and pushed himself to his feet. He silently grabbed for his jeans and let out an exasperated breath. “I really wish that I knew what you wanted.” His eyes followed me as I continued to struggle with my jeans. He looked as if he wanted to help but second-guessed himself, stepping away. “I try and try and nothing is ever good enough for you.”

I felt horrible for putting him through everything that I had and he was right. He tried so hard and I did nothing in return. I was a horrible person. I couldn’t change how I felt.

“I’m sorry Caleb. It’s not you," I whispered. I buttoned my jeans and buried my face in my hands full of shame. “I’m sorry.”

I could tell by the look in Caleb’s eyes that he hated me. I hurt him repeatedly. It was never ending.

He grabbed for his keys and tilted his head back staring at the ceiling. “Let me guess. It’s you, right?” He strode toward the door with hate and rested his palm against it. “Don’t even answer that.” He paused to swallow. “Have a good life.”

I stiffly pushed myself to my feet and watched helplessly as he exited the room. He didn’t even bother to look back. “I’m sorry,” I yelled. “You will never understand. I can’t be anything more than this."

I slammed the door shut behind me falling against the door. Tears threatened to form as I rubbed circles on the side of my head in an attempt to calm myself down and gain control.

Instantly following Caleb’s exit, I heard footsteps down the hall followed by the vague sounds of Emma and Jace’s conversation. I quietly leaned in closer to get a better sound. As stupid as I felt, I still couldn't help myself.

“Jace, I’m sorry that you’re sick. Are you sure that I can’t do anything…to make you feel better," Emma asked desperately. “I bet I can make you feel-“

“I’m sure Emma," Jace cut in. “It’s time for you to leave. You pushed me into bringing you here in the first place.” He sounded almost upset as he spoke. “I told you long ago that I was done with this crap. Now please leave.”

It was silent for a moment before what I pictured to be the sound of Emma stomping her way out the front door. The door slammed loudly, followed by the faint sound of Jace's fist pounding into a nearby wall. It startled me, causing me to jump away from the door.

My whole body relaxed at the idea of Emma being gone. I wasn’t exactly sure why but I hated her at the moment. Just the thought of her alone with Jace made my stomach knot up. The feeling both confused me and greatly frustrated me.

I ran my hands through my hair, lightly tugging it, as I leaned into the door. Stop thinking about Jace. It means nothing.

The sound of Jace pacing by my door caused me to look up. I stiffened as his footsteps shortly stopped in front of my door but then quickly continued back to his room. Then they paused again before I heard the slight sound of his bedroom door shutting.

I needed to get out of here and fast.

My hands shook uncontrollably as I called for a taxi. “1533 Lighthouse Road. Fast, please.” I hung up and grabbed for my purse to wait outside. I needed something familiar. Something that I was used to.

The taxi arrived shortly after and I jumped in the back without a second thought. It was my escape.

The driver was a younger man, maybe even still a boy. He glanced back at me with big almond eyes and nodded his head. He looked a little on the rough side but surely nothing to worry about. “Where to?” he questioned.

“Umm…Taste Of Poison. Step on it," I stammered, as I looked at the boy through the rearview mirror.

His relaxed face suddenly scrunched up with a look of disgust and disbelief, making me feel uncomfortable. “Look.” He paused. “A place like that is no good for someone like you," he said stiffly. “It’s dangerous.”

My heart sped up at the memory of Jace saving my life. If it weren’t for him showing up then I could’ve been hurt badly or possibly even killed.

“Shit!” I blurted. I squeezed the strap of my purse and reached for the handle. “I’ve changed my mind," I whispered embarrassed. I slowly stepped out of the taxi and softly shut the door behind me.

I watched with my head lowered as the taxi drove away. That should've been my escape. Anywhere more familiar than here would’ve been fine at the moment.

The thought of Jace seeing me vulnerable, sitting on that bathroom sink, made me want to run away and hide. If he felt the way that my heart was racing against his chest, then he had to of thought something was wrong with me. Even I did.

When I looked up, Jace stood leaning against the porch with his arms and legs crossed. My stomach dropped. His melancholic smile made my legs tremble. He nodded his head toward the door and then walked inside leaving the door open for me.

I slapped myself on the forehead and made my way back inside, closing myself in my room. I needed to force myself to sleep. I needed an escape and in any way possible.

~•~

I quickly got ready for work, knowing that Jace liked to arrive early. After what happened last night I didn’t want to make him wait on me.

I grabbed for my apron and purse before heading back to Jace’s room. I hadn’t heard a peep from him the whole morning and it was unusual. He was always running around early in the morning, making some kind of ruckus.

I held my fist above his door, hesitating before I lightly knocked.

When there was no answer, I tried again. “Jace, are you ready to leave for work yet?”     

I waited expectantly for the door to open but it didn’t. I reached out ready to knock again but paused after hearing a noise from inside his room. It was clear that he was awake. Maybe he just didn’t hear me the first time.

"I'm not going to work," he said loudly. "You can just take my car. The keys are in the kitchen."

I opened my mouth hesitating whether or not to question him. It wasn't really my place. I quickly decided against it trying to avoid as much conversation as I could with him. After last night, I wasn’t quite sure how to act around him anyhow.

I took off down the hallway and into the kitchen. His keys were setting down on the counter on full display. I quickly swept them up and made my way outside and to his nice little car.

Truthfully, I had only driven once before and that was when Caleb was trying to give me a lesson, which went well. I was a little nervous but pretty positive, that I would be fine going the short distance, as long as I didn't manage to get pulled over.

I jumped behind the steering wheel and adjusted the seat and mirror. Then I nervously shoved the keys into the ignition and started the engine. “It’s cool, Avery. You can handle this. It’s only like ten blocks.”

I took a deep breath and pulled out of the driveway and into the empty street. Everything was going smooth until a car ran a stop sign almost cutting me off.

I slammed on the breaks and caught my breath.  “You idiot," I yelled. I slammed my hand into the steering wheel and pressed on the gas as the other car just continued to drive. I was pretty shaken up, but nothing that I couldn't handle.

When finally arriving at the diner, I walked in to find Stacy wiping down a table. She stood there in her short skirt and lacy red top as she hummed to herself.

I stepped up beside her causing her to look up with a genuine smile. “Good morning, sunshine," she gleamed. “You’re here pretty early.” She glanced at her watch. “8:30 a.m. Sweet! I could really use your help."

I followed Stacy over to the server station and shoved my purse into the cabinet. At least someone seemed happy to see me. Everyone else around me seemed to hate me at the moment. “Thank you, Stacy.”

She nodded her head and threw her black apron on. “I hope that you’re ready for a busy day," she said excitedly. “Tuesdays are a lot busier than Sundays. Sometimes we even run out of tables, so I will do my best to help you if you need it.” She looked eager as she looked around and cracked her knuckles.

I nervously nodded my head in appreciation, as I followed her eyes out into the dining area. There were eight table booths and four round tables that seated four people. I hoped that she didn't mean that all tables would be full all at once. "I’ll just do my best," I said nervously.

She nodded her head in satisfaction and threw her blond curls up into a ponytail. "I'm sure that you will do just fine. The customers loved you the other day and you kicked ass." She looked around as if something was missing. Then her gaze set on me. "Where is Jace? Is he sick?" she questioned.

I threw my apron on and shrugged my shoulders. "He didn't seem to be sick. He did have his girlfriend over last night," I replied in a cool tone. I didn't want her to see how much it was eating at me, but I couldn't seem to hide it.

She stared at me in silence before bursting out with laughter. "His what?" She threw her towel down on the front counter and rolled her eyes. "Jace doesn't date. I've known him for five years and I have never seen him in a relationship." She paused to look over at Winston as he entered the room. “Oh, hi Winston. Avery’s here early today so there will be two of us.”

"Hi, ladies. Looking good today," he said with a cheesy grin, and an eyebrow lift. “What is all this gossip about?”

Stacy nodded and patted Winston on the back before she continued. "Like I was saying, of course, Jace has girls because he is gorgeous, but maybe he's too aware of that and that's why he won't commit. I don't know." She shook her head in shame. “He would be quite the catch.”.

I looked over at Winston as he nudged me in the side and winked. "Is someone interested in our boss?" He smiled, eyes lighting up. My stomach got butterflies at just the thought, but I quickly shook it off.

"No!" I blurted a little too fast.  I hid my face embarrassed as I walked away to get ready to start my shift. "I'm going to freshen up a bit and get started for the day.”

Winston and Stacy both laughed as I walked away. I didn't know what they were getting at, but I couldn't worry about them or Jace if I was going to manage to make it through the day.

Fifteen minutes later, I was greeted by my first customer of the day. I walked over and greeted her with the best smile I could manage. “Good morning ma’am. What can I start you out with?” I pulled out my paper and pen leaning into the table to be sure I could hear her.

The woman slowly looked up from her menu and set her hard gaze on me. Her dull brown eyes burned into my green ones as she studied my every facial feature. The woman almost looked sickly, with sunken in eyes and cracked lips.

Letting out a snort, she leaned into the booth and threw her menu down in front of her. She smiled big revealing her blackened and rotted teeth, while looking me up and down. She looked strangely familiar, but I couldn't seem to figure out how. "Coffee...black," she said firmly. "Make is quick. I have things to take care of."

I nodded my head and hastily walked away to grab the woman’s coffee. I wasn’t sure what her problem was, but I didn’t like it one bit. I wanted to rip her head off and shove it up her ass but I couldn’t let my anger get the best of me. This was Jace's diner and he didn't deserve it.

I poured the coffee and walked back over to the woman's booth, placing the coffee on the table.

I got ready to walk away but she quickly reached out and gripped my arm to stop me, her sharp nails digging into my skin causing me to bleed.

I ripped my arm out of her reach and flared my nose in anger. She looked as if she enjoyed it. "Your name?" she questioned deviously.

"It's Avery," I spat. "Don't ever touch me again." I stared down at her as she smirked and played with her coffee.

“Avery. Avery.” She said repeatedly. I hated the way my name sounded, rolling off her dirty tongue. “I had a feeling.” She waved me off while taking a sip of her coffee and smiling as she watched me walk away.

That was weird.

By the end of my shift, I was exhausted. It felt as if the day was never going to end and I just wanted to get out of there and take a nap.

Stacy had been right; it was a lot busier than Sunday had been. I managed to drop one plate and mess up a few orders but still made it through the day okay. I was still alive anyway.

I gathered up my tip money and purse and walked over to say bye to Stacy.

She glanced up from her table and set her money down. Her pile was thick, probably mostly full of singles. “You did well today. How much did you manage to make?”

I looked down at my bundle of cash and ran my fingers over it, feeling pleased. It was a decent amount and I was excited about being able to save some up. “About $135.”

Stacy grinned and reached out for my arm. She squeezed it, but then quickly released it; probably remembering how I had tensed up the last time. That made me happy. “That’s really good.”

I backed away and turned around to leave. The place was very quiet, making me feel somewhat tired. “Thank you for the help. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, no problem. Tell Jace everything went well today.” She paused. “I’m surprised that he didn’t even call to check up on us today.”  She looked bewildered.

I had almost forgotten about Jace. Thanks Stacy. My stomach dropped at the thought of facing him. “Okay. I’ll be sure to tell him.”

I quickly exited the diner before anything more of Jace could be mentioned. I didn’t want to get caught up in another conversation like what we had earlier when I had first arrived for work.

~•~

When I arrived back at Jace's house, I walked in to find him sitting at his computer desk with his head in his hands. He glanced up at me when he heard me shut the door. "Hey," he muttered. "How was work?" He questioned before quickly looking away, as if he didn't want to look at me.

I walked over to the couch and slammed myself down on it, feeling confused. I took a deep breath and yawned. "It was really busy. Thanks again-"

"It's fine, Avery," he cut me off. "You can stop thanking me now." He stood up from the computer chair and slowly pushed it under the desk, looking slightly irritated. He leaned over the desk and ran his hands through his tousled hair. "I ordered us some pizza. I've been feeling like crap today so I think I'm going to just eat it in my room."

"Oh…" I muttered, not really knowing what to say.

He looked in my eyes for a split second before he walked toward the hallway. There was a look in his eyes that I couldn't quite figure out. Something I had never seen from him before. "You're welcome to do anything that you would like. Make yourself at home," he whispered.

I sat there on the couch confused as he walked down the hallway and into his bedroom.

A few moments later, the door shut, causing me to jump. It almost seemed as if he were angry with me.

I pushed myself into the soft leather couch and closed my eyes. My stomach rumbled but suddenly I didn’t feel like eating either. I can’t seem to make anyone happy.

I sat there for a moment before bursting out the front door and running to the sidewalk. I stopped, running my hands through my hair, before I began walking. Again, I felt as if I needed an escape. I needed to breathe.

The cool wind hit me hard, causing me to pull my jacket tighter around me as I made my way toward the neighborhood playground. I hadn’t been able to step foot on a playground in over twelve years. It gave me too many bad memories.

When the worn-out swings came into view I felt a twinge of pain in my chest. It froze me in place for a second, but I forced myself to go on. I stepped up to the swing and leaned in to touch it. I missed that feeling. The one that I should’ve gotten as a child. The coolness of it gave me chills

My mother gently pushed me on the swing. I leaned my head back in comfort as the cool breeze lightly blew through my hair. It made me smile. Just a little bit at least.

Being at the park was the only time that I felt free. I wasn't allowed to get out of the house often so when I did I always wanted to go to the park. It was like an escape away from the prison that I lived in.

My father usually stayed home drinking his life away in his stupid recliner chair. He gave us one hour of freedom every couple of months. That was all that he would spare.

“Isn’t this nice, Avery?” My mother questioned. “It’s such a beautiful night.”

I leaned my head back far enough to look into my mother’s eyes. Sometimes she was there and sometimes I could see she was fading away like my father. Tonight she was there. She was present and beautiful as ever.

I shook my head back and forth and allowed myself to laugh. "Mother can you-"

Suddenly the swing came to a stop and someone jerked on the left chain. I held my breath, knowing deep down inside that it had to of been my father.

"Henry, you should just go back home. Okay, dear." I could tell that my mother was afraid. She always was, but stayed with him because she loved him too much. I didn't understand. "You've been drinking too much," she whined. Her whole body shook in fear as she watched him, her black curls falling down to cover her blue eyes.

My father pushed my mother out of the way. I watched as she crumbled to the ground and her head bounced off the dirt. "Don't you tell me when I've been drinking too much," he slurred. "If I want to push my little girl then I will. You can't stop me. No one ever can."

My mother pushed herself back to her feet and cowered away from him. She watched with wide eyes as my father started pushing the swing.

I could smell the foul stench of the booze that flowed off his breath every time that he breathed. It made my stomach ache.

"Henry, don't push the swing so high.  She's only six," she yelled, her voice unsteady "I...I don't want her to fall."

My father let out a wicked laugh. "I'm going too high? I'm going too high? I'll show you high, Joyce," he said, as he pushed the swing higher.

I just sat there and cried. I cried like a little sissy. That's all that I could do. I was helpless. "Daddy, please stop," I cried out. "I can't hold on. Daddy-"

No longer able to hang on, my hand slipped off the rusted chain and I went flying across the park landing on my right arm. A pain shot through my arm as I heard a loud snap.

I grabbed my arm and sobbed as my father stood there and laughed. "Get up girl."

I stopped the swing and wiped away a stray tear. I looked down at my right arm and rubbed it from the memory. It broke in two places that night. I never understood how someone could've been so cruel. I was his daughter he was supposed to love me. Take care of me. He never did and my mother was still with that piece of shit. My life could’ve been different. I could’ve been different.

I jumped off the swing and then turned back around giving it one last fleeting look. I would never be able to go to a park and not think about that moment. It was ruined for me. That idiot ruined everything that could've been good.

I glanced up into the night sky, realizing that I should probably get home before it got too dark and cold. I was already shivering and my jacket just didn’t seem to help like it should've.

The sky was a beautiful sight on the way home as I stared up at the bright stars. It helped to somewhat ease my mind and make me see that some things in the world could be beautiful.

Once arriving back to Jace’s house, I decided to sit out on the porch and take it all in. A new job, a new place to stay, and new people in my life. Everything was changing and I didn’t know how or what to think. I sat there for a while feeling lost.

I stood up, getting ready to reach for the door, when suddenly Jace stepped out onto the porch. He leaned into the door and smiled at me. “You’re back." He looked a bit relieved as his muscles relaxed.

I smiled back and rubbed the back of my head, somehow blushing from his presence. "Yeah I just felt like taking a walk. I was just thinking." I sat back down on the steps not knowing what to say next. Was he still mad? Was he ever mad? I wasn't quite sure.

He looked down, eyeing the steps curiously, before walking over to sit next to me. His bare arm brushed against my jacket, making me shy away, as I remembered our encounter from the other night. I didn't want to get too close and somehow fall into him.

He looked down at our arms, eyes dark, as he shifted. "Did you enjoy your walk?" he questioned. He looked me in the eye for a breath taking moment before quickly looking away.

I let out a deep breath blowing my hair out of my face. "Yeah…I mean." I paused to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat. "My parents... never mind" I shook my head and closed my eyes. I wasn't ready to tell anyone quite yet.

He ran his hands through his hair and let out a deep breath. "Whatever it is, you're here now," he said. "Everyone deserves a chance at happiness."

I looked over at him suddenly getting a strong urge to reach out and touch him. However, I didn’t. "Well, are you happy?" I questioned, hoping that he would give me an honest answer.

He gave me a forced smile and turned the other way. I couldn't really read his eyes. "Not as happy as I hoped to be," he whispered.

I reached over and placed my hand on his shoulder. Then I quickly pulled it away. I looked down at my hand and scooted further away from him. "Why haven't you been in a relationship before?" I questioned without thinking.

He smiled and stretched, his arms looking warm and firm as he held them behind his body. He didn't even look bothered by the chill of the night one bit. It almost made me want to curl up in his arms and hide from the cold chill. "I haven't found that special someone yet. I want to know that I really want to wake up to this woman and fall asleep next to her every day of my life. Until I feel that then I'm not willing to give my heart away." He looked down at the porch and played with the rocks by his hand.

"Oh…" His answer made me speechless.

"What about you," he questioned. "Isn't there any guy at all that you've just wanted to spend your time with? Someone to hold you and love you, someone to talk to?" He looked me in the eye waiting for an answer, his green eyes looking soft and genuine.

I looked down at my hands and started picking at my nails. "No, I guess I can't say I've felt that with anyone," I whispered. "I mean, I guess that I just learned long ago that people will always hurt you even when they love you. Therefore, I decided that if I don’t let myself love anyone then they can never hurt me. No one has made me change my mind...yet."

He smiled at me before he stood up and walked toward the door. He paused and looked back at me. "Well I hope one day we both find what we're looking for," he yawned. "I'm a little tired. I think I'll go get some sleep." He opened the door and placed his hand on the doorframe. "Goodnight, Avery," he whispered with a smile.

I took a deep breath and watched him as he walked inside. "Goodnight, Jace," I whispered.