Chapter 19

Unable to think clearly, I clumsily scrambled to my feet, hands tangled through my hair as I fought to catch my breath. My whole body was trembling now and I had many mixed emotions. I wasn’t quite sure, but it sounded as if Jace had just confessed his love for me. Maybe I was hearing things.

“Avery,” Jace whispered moving closer to me.

I looked up in a daze, but didn’t utter a single word. I was speechless.

“Did you hear me?” His eyes searched mine.

I shook my head back and forth while slowly backing up against the wall. I carefully leaned against it for support as I tried to calm my spinning mind. 

“Huh,” I breathed. “I...um.” I dropped to my knees and reached for the tear that was rolling down my cheek.

“Avery.” Jace dropped to his knees in front of me and reached for my face, but I turned away from his grip. I couldn’t handle the feel of his touch at the moment. It wouldn’t allow me to think straight.

“What is wrong with you,” he questioned, his voice soft. “I love you. Is that so wrong of me?”

I forced my eyes up to meet Jace’s and suddenly I got slammed with so many emotions that I lost it. I couldn’t handle the fact that he could throw those words around so easily when he knew that I had been through so much.

He couldn’t love me. I didn’t even know what those words meant. How could he love someone that didn’t even know the meaning?

“How could you even say that,” I mused. “You’re going to look me right in the eye and lie to me. Are you trying to hurt me?” I stood to my feet and pointed at my chest. “Look at me,” I screamed. “If you could see right through me. Then you would see that this is empty. How could you love someone like that?” I was sobbing now. Sobbing like a baby.

Jace forcefully gripped my wrist and pulled me against his chest. “Why won’t you just let me love you?” A look of pain flashed in his eyes as he ran a finger over my cheek. “I have never in my life told a woman that I love her. You have made me feel things that I have tried to keep locked away for so long. Just the thought of never being with you hurts. Do you get that? You have to believe me. I would never lie to you.”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head to the right. His touch was making me weak and I didn’t want to fall into his arms and drown in all of his lies. “I can’t do this right now.” I yanked my wrist from out of his reach and slowly backed away from him. “I can’t listen to this.”

Jace stood there in silence for a moment before he walked over to the wall and slammed his fist against it. The wall shook.

His jaw clenched as he ran his hand through his hair and stared at the wall. “Tell me something then, Avery. Tell me the truth.” He paused to look up at me. “Do you have any feelings for me? Do you feel anything at all?” he asked breathless.

My body stiffened as my mind searched for answers. "Jace, I don't know how I feel," I whispered, searching for my own answers. "What I feel is very confused right now. I have never felt this way before about anything or anyone but when I'm around you, it's like... my heart hurts. I don't know how to describe the feeling."

I pressed my hand to my chest and squeezed it. My heart stopped at the sound of my own words, my stomach suddenly dropping.

Jace placed his hands to my face, hands shaking, as he gently backed me into the wall behind me. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Tell me this." He paused to swallow. "Do I even have a chance?" His eyes searched mine again.

My mind spun as I fought to figure out how I felt. The truth was that I thought about Jace every second of everyday and just the thought of never seeing him again hurt like hell. I had never felt anything like it before. It pained me too much to put it together now. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Jace.

Jace’s eyes hardened when I didn’t respond.

"Nothing to say, Avery? I just poured my heart out to you and you can't even say one word, "he growled.

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Jace, I don't know-"

"Just stop there," he cut in. He pulled his hands away from my face and walked over to stand in front of the door. "I need to clear my head and cool off." He hesitated for a second before he reached for the knob and pulled the door open.

"Jace," I said under my breath. "I'm sorry-"

"No need to be," he cut in, his voice hard. "I just need to go." He gave me a quick look before stepping outside and into the light rain.

I ran to the door as I watched him walk through the chilly night and hop into his car. He didn't hesitate for long before he turned on the engine and disappeared from out of my sight.

I stood there for a while cold and speechless, heart pounding, as I attempted to think straight. I felt sick. Seeing him leave tore me apart.

Suddenly, it hit me. I couldn't lose him. The thought hurt too much. I still wasn't sure if it was love, but it was something worth fighting for. I had to let him know before it was too late.

I ran to my purse and struggled to pull my phone out. It got caught on the edge of the liner causing my whole purse to fall out of my hand as I finally got the phone out and searched for Jace's number. I kicked my purse to the side and ran over to the door. "Come on. Pick up." The phone kept ringing until finally it went to voicemail. Dammit! Now I was the one trying to reach him and getting no response in return. It hurt.

If I couldn't call Jace then I needed to get to him as soon as I could. Jackie was already sleeping and the last thing that I wanted to do was wake her up and explain to her that Jace and I had gotten into a fight and he left. She already had enough of her own problems to deal with.

I decided on calling for a taxi. That way none of Jace's friends or family had to get involved. I messed up big time and I was feeling the pain. The pain that I had caused both Jace and myself.  I had to make it right.

It was pouring rain by the time that the taxi arrived and it would probably be close to impossible to see the roads through the mess. It didn't matter to me though. I just needed to get to Jace as quickly as possible. Even if I had to walk.

I ran through the heavy rain and jumped into the back of the taxi, slamming the door behind me. "Just drive. I don't know where I'm heading just yet," I announced, shaking the rain off.

The heavyset man glanced back at me, looking me over, before stepping on the gas and taking off. "Your wish is my command," he muttered.

I just shook him off, running my hands through my wet hair while staring down at my phone. Ring! Please. Just ring.

I sat with my face smashed against the frigid window in search of Jace's car. It was close to impossible to see anything through the rain and it was really starting to frustrate me.

Taking a deep breath, I reached for my phone again and dialed Jace's number. Come on. Come on. My hands started shaking as the call went straight to voicemail this time.

I threw my phone down in anger and looked up just in time to notice some flashing lights just ahead of us. A surge of fear shot threw me at the thought of Jace being hurt. "Slow down," I yelled frantically.

I pressed my face back into the glass to get a better look. That's when I noticed three police cars, two ambulances and then a little black car that was smashed up on the side of the road. Jace's car!

"Stop! Stop the damn car," I screamed, my voice shaking. My whole body trembled as I reached for the handle and struggled with opening the door. "Shit! Shit!" I cried. Finally, I managed to push the door open to jump out of the taxi.

The cold rain hit roughly against my heated face as I ran over to the crowd of people and pushed my way through. It was hard to tell, but it looked as if two of the ambulance drivers were pushing a stretcher that was covered with a blanket. I couldn't make out if it had a body underneath or not.

Panic set in as I roughly pushed my way through the crowd to find someone that could help me.

"Move," I shouted while pushing bystanders out of the way. "I need to get through. Move!" I didn't stop until I was standing breathless and sobbing in front of a police officer.

The officer quickly looked up from his paper work and attempted to push me back behind the orange cones. I pushed his arm away.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but you can't be in this area," he said with a sound of regret. "Please step back."

I gripped onto the officer's jacket and started shaking his arm. "No! You don't understand. I need to know what's going on," I cried. "What happened to the man in the black car? Please!" I pleaded, my eyes wet.

The officer froze. His whole body stiffened and he turned away from my view. That couldn’t mean anything good.

"There were no survivors.” He turned away, hiding his eyes from my view. "I'm sorry, ma'am. The driver was going at least 60 mph when his car slid and crashed into that pole. There was nothing that anyone could do. He died instantly."

My body shut down instantly, causing me to crash down onto the filthy, wet ground. I dug my hands into the mud as the tears flooded my eyes. It can't be true. Jace can't be gone.

"No! No! No!" I cried, "There has to be something you can do. Save him," I screamed in rage. "He might still be breathing. You gave up too quickly."

The officer shook his head and attempted to cover the hurt in his eyes. "It was impossible. I'm sorry," he said softly. “We did all that we could do.”

I sat there in shock. I didn't want to live without Jace. I couldn't live without him.

An intense pain shot through my chest as my head quickly spun. My breathing became very heavy and then suddenly my ears started ringing.

"Ma'am are you okay?" The officer questioned. He bent down and reached for my arm. "Someone better get a stretcher over here. This woman is going down.” His voice echoed through my head.

My body hit the ground in what felt like slow motion. Then suddenly my breath got knocked out.

~•~

I jumped back startled as the bathroom door swung open to Jace standing there in his boxers. A sight I had grown used to.

He looked me up and down, his body covered in sweat, as he fought to catch his breath. I didn't understand what he was doing.

It made my heart race. “Jace, what are you doing in here?” I took a step toward the door to escape but he grabbed a hold of my wrist stopping me in my place. My heart sped up and my breathing became heavy. "Jace."

He looked me dead in the eye and without saying a word; he picked me up and sat me on the edge of the sink. He gripped my face and roughly pressed his lips against mine, causing me to moan. His lips were soft and sweet, just as I had imagined. Although, I wouldn't admit it. Not even to myself.

The taste was too overwhelming; causing my whole body to shake as he gently ran his fingers through my hair and pressed his body in between my legs. I could feel his hands trembling as he placed them on the inside of my bare thighs while sucking my bottom lip.

Suddenly, he pulled away and we both sat there panting and fighting for breath. His eyes were unreadable as he looked me in the eye and shook his head. My body leaned forward involuntarily, and it almost felt as if I were falling off the sink. I braced myself, pulling myself upright again.

"Jace…" I breathed.

I slowly opened my eyes, throwing my hands to my head, as an intense pain shot through my skull. I noticed right away that I was in the local hospital as I blinked my eyes rapidly, fighting to stay open. I could smell the room even before I could manage to see it.

Tears instantly rolled down my puffy cheeks at the fresh memory of Jace and our first kiss. For a second I had almost forgotten that he was gone. Jace is gone. He's never coming back.

I forced my body to roll over as I gripped my pillow and slammed my face into it. "Jace," I cried. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I heard the sound of footsteps as someone slowly approached the bed, but I refused to look up. I just wanted to be alone.

"She's awake," said an unfamiliar voice. The soft voice of a female nurse was my guess.

"It's been a few hours. Give her some more pain medicine," another voice replied. "It should help her be more comfortable when she fully awakens."

I felt something cold shoot through the IV in my arm, causing my body to flinch. It made the tears flow even faster. I felt dazed and sore. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs for jace, but I knew it would be useless.

I wanted to reach out and touch him. Feel the warmth of his soft skin against mine. It hurt like hell knowing that it would never happen again.

I buried my face into my tear-stained pillow and listened as the nurses left the room, leaving me alone in my silence.

A few minutes later, I heard heavy footsteps. I was too weak to attempt to look up. So I didn't move. I didn't have the will too.

The footsteps stopped in front of my bed and suddenly I felt a hand touch my arm from through the blanket. It made my chest hurt and I wanted to scream. I didn't want to be touched.

"Don't touch me," I said, voice shaking.

It was silent for a moment as the person slowly removed their hand from my arm.

"Avery," a voice called.

I ignored it. I couldn't make out who it was. No one else mattered to me except Jace and now he was gone.

"Avery."

I felt someone grab my arm again, but this time they didn't let go. They pulled my body so that I was facing up again and then cupped their warm hands around my face.

I looked up with blurred vision before blinking away the tears. I knew that touch from anywhere. My whole body shook as I broke out in a sob. "Jace!" I cried, still trying to focus my eyes.

"I'm here for you," Jace said. "I told you that I always would be." He rubbed my cheek.

I was in so much shock that I couldn't even manage to speak. I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn't. How could he be here in front of me?

"It's okay, Avery." He bent down and pressed his lips against mine, causing my heartbeat to quicken. "The nurse said that you just bumped your head pretty hard. You're going to be fine. You can leave later today."

I gripped his face as hard as I could before running my hands over every inch of his perfect face. I wanted to be sure that I wasn't just seeing things. "I thought that... you... you were dead. How did..." I squeezed my eyes shut before opening them again and pulling his face down to mine. "I thought that I had lost you."

A smile spread across Jace's face before he trailed a finger over my lip and then kissed me. "You'll never lose me," he said simply. "I was on my way home when I got stuck in traffic because of the accident. I got out seeing what was going on and that's when I noticed you on the stretcher. I ran over to you, but you wouldn't wake up." He pressed his lips to my forehead and then grabbed both of my hands. "You have no idea how happy I am that you're okay."

I was so relieved to see Jace alive that I suddenly burst into laughter. I was worried about him dying and yet he believed that I had no idea how happy he was to see that I was okay. I had only bumped my head. "I have never been so happy in my life," I laughed, feeling a bit dazed from the medicine kicking in. "I really-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to let you know that the medicine should wear off in a few hours and you will be all clear to go then." The older nurse turned, but then stopped to look back at us. "Oh and the medicine can make her a little..." She stepped closer to Jace. "Loopy," she whispered and then smiled. "That will go away soon."

Jace nodded his head in understanding and smiled at the nurse as she grinned at him. "Thank you for your help."

The nurse nodded back at him and then walked out of the room, softly closing the door behind her.

As soon as we were alone, I got the sudden urge to laugh. I had no idea why, but I just burst into a fit of laughter. "You're okay," I laughed. "You're… I'm in the hospital."

Jace leaned in closer to me and rubbed my head. "It's okay. It's just the medicine," he laughed. "How's your head feeling?"

I grabbed for Jace's hair and ran my fingers through it. "Jace, you are so beautiful. I have something that I really need to say."

Jace went silent. His body stiff as he reached for my face, looked me in the eye and waited for me to speak.

"I love you, Jace," I whispered. "I really love you."

A look of happiness crossed his face, but then was quickly replaced with pain. He looked as if his dog had just been hit by a car. "I know that the nurse said you will be a little loopy from the medicine, so I'm going to guess that it's the drugs that are talking. Maybe you should just get some rest." He smiled and then gently kissed my hand. “I’m sorry for leaving.”

My heart broke as soon as I realized that he was serious. He didn't even believe that I loved him. How could he after all that I had put him through? I didn't even believe him when he told me how he had felt. "I do-"

"It's okay, Avery." He smiled and rubbed my face. "Get some rest and then we can go home."

I grabbed his hand and kissed it. Making him believe me now would just be useless. He was right. I really did need some rest.

"Okay," I whispered, my voice pained.

Jace crawled into the bed next to me and threw his arms around me. He snuggled his body against mine and pressed his lips to my ear. "I'll wake you in a few hours."

I nodded my head and reached for his arms for comfort. It was the best feeling in the world. He was the best feeling in the world.